Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Young Suspect



As the murder case of Annie unraveled, all seemed to pin down one suspect, the 24-year-old Ray. He had stayed silent - there was not a footage of him speaking, which made everyone guess his nature, character, and temperament. But from the various pictures, he seemed to be just an ordinary young man: tall, rather handsome, perhaps a little introverted at times, but nevertheless outgoing when surrounded by friends and family. His life up to this point was pleasant and stable to the outsiders. With a job that paid, a dog to pet, and a girlfriend whom he was to marry, he was on his way to start a family. Within a week, all that had become merely a vapor. Dreams, ambitions, shattered, gone. At such a young age, he could soon be put behind the bars for a lifetime, and to the worst, even be executed abiding CT's death penalty for murders.

What had he done? What happened that day in the lab? What was his relationship with Annie? How did he just lose his mind and threw his life away? How could he commit to such crime? Was it an accident? Why didn't he come forward and confess?

Before he is put on trial and before he is convicted as a murderer, these unanswered questions merge into a thin, invisible wall, giving him a slight protection from the large community who mourns over the tragic death of Annie. If Ray was to seek sympathy, he would be terribly disappointed. If he did what he is accused of doing, it was him who threw his own life away, unlike Annie whose life was ended unwillingly by another. Unless it wasn't him, then he better prove it.

What has our world become? When did civilized, intelligent human beings decide that it is easy and okay to end another's life? Why has violence magnified and multiplied?

The media was doing what it does best: take any sip of information, exaggerate it and spread. Ray's terrifying halloween picture of him dressed and face painted like a devil was featured frequently. Although some of the testimonies from his friends backed him up with neutral and even positive remarks, the media seemed to focus on the small negative comments from people who didn't know him well such as the neighbors. As a result of such bias, the community was insanely outraged toward Ray. They responded to this cruelty with cruelty. "Kill him like how he killed Annie" said one reader on an online coverage. It was followed by another, yet another, and countless vulgar comments: "Put him on the hot chair", "he deserves to be put on death penalty", etc. These comments disturbingly received popular votes. While you wonder why people lose their moral sense and kill each other, it's clear that anyone who was capable of saying such things are capable of killing under circumstances.

The disease has permeated and it is officially incurable.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Letter to Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I am sorry that I never called. You probably thought that I just disappeared and how unfair of me to leave without a proper goodbye. The thought of picking up the phone and dialing your number crossed my mind so often, but as each day progressed, it seemed more reasonable to write instead. I have searched for your e-mail address, or even looked up Kisha's studio to see whether I could get your mailing address, yet nothing came up. A year has gone by without contacting you, and now even calling becomes unrealistic.

You've taught me so much about happiness that I could not have learned otherwise. Without you, everything is so difficult. I try and keep on trying, but can only find my true self in these worthless sobbing words. Then all start from zero the moment I begin to sympathize my little insignificant soul. I fall, far into the bottomless darkness, and let the timelessness take over my fear. If I were lucky, if God allows, let me remember your voice so that I regain something to hold on to. You see, I couldn't call you, and I couldn't say goodbye. I fear that our goodbye will erase you from my memory, and I need you so to remind me of my worth. So, Lisa, please forgive me for being rude and heartless. I am too selfish to let you go.

yours truly.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Box and Box



















Location: Outdoor Tent
Event: Classical Concert
Time: Intermission


"Hey, those box seats are empty. Wanna move up to sit in the box?"

"No. I am not a bento item."

"......"

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Cat's Prayer


Dear God, meo-wo
Would you fill my bowl please?
It is empty
It was full
Only moments ago
Could it be full again? meo-wo-wo
Could it stay full?

I pray that limitless treats
Await me
I will happily accept any
Flavor you grant
Tuna, meow
Chicken, meow
Cheese, meo-wowo

Days go by with too many
Interruptions
Foodless intermissions
Rejections

So
I
Sit

Respectably
In front of my food bowl
Praying, meow-wo
Waiting
For your mercy to pour
Over me

Tell me how I can try harder
Should I purr more?
Meow more? Meow meow
Play cuter?
Let humans to hold me longer?
1 second?
5 to the most
Meow, meow-wo

My Lord, hear my prayer please
I close my eyes
(Concentration it takes)
Would you grant my wish and fill my
Bowl?

Meow-wo-wo

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Three Bridesmaid


On Sherly's 23rd birthday, she moped: "What am I gonna do? I'll be 25 and unmarried."

"Oh com'on!" My impatience broke through,"Don't be pathetic - people these days are not getting married until they are in their 30s and 40s! Why would you want to be settled this early?"

"My mom had me when she was 27!"

"SO?! Things are different now! Besides, you are beautiful, talented, and young. I'm sure many people will want to marry you, when the time is ready."

"But why doesn't he want to then?"

Poor Sherly. Pete was just not the one for her. She tried hard to make him commit. Everyone could've told her that Pete got scared, and her church-going didn't earn her enough brownie points.

A month later, she took a bold decision of leaving the country. In the foreign land of the east, she met a man under God's eyes. Things happened so fast. He proposed a few weeks after meeting her. Sherly insisted on getting married before she turned 25. Her wish was answered with a splendid wedding. Right before she walked that aisle, she let out a long sigh of relief.

I made it. I'm safe now.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Goodbye, Nana.

February 12, 2009
"Where have you been? Couldn't get hold of you for days. Nana passed. We just came back from the cremation service. She couldn't breath at the end, and probably died from suffocation. Cancer, you know. It was all over her lungs. Hm..? No. No last words. Yeah... Chu was crying."


January 30, 2009
We were going to visit Nana today. This would be the last time we see her, but everyone kept that to themselves.

Dad was concerned about what to bring. Fruits? She couldn't eat. Health products? There would be no point. Mom was skeptical about flowers, but I thought it would be nice. We stopped by a flower store on the way, and picked out 3 bouquets of tulips. They were bright orange with golden rims.

When we arrived, Chu's wife opened the door. She was about to head out with the daughter to visit some relatives. It was the 5th day into the lunar new year. According to the tradition, each family supposed to pay respects door to door among friends and relatives. Firecrackers were going crazy outside. It was going to be that way for 15 days altogether. I couldn't bare.

The wife said: "Such a torture. Whatever disease there might be, don't anyone get this."

Chu was sitting there, quieter than usual. He greeted us with a faint smile. I believe that was the best he could give that day.

Through the narrow hallway, we walked into a small room where Nana was.

"Nana, we are here to see you!"
"Nana, look at the flowers! Aren't they beautiful? They are for you!"

Lying on the bed, she was not the Nana that I remembered. Her shriveled body was in a rather awkward position, but she was too weak to adjust it.

She couldn't take her eyes off from the tulips. They were exquisitely beautiful for her. There were so many of them that we had to use three vases. Her room suddenly lit up with a little energy, a little liveliness.

"Nana" Dad said, "I'm here to pay you repect - happy new year!"

"Kneel in front of me then." Nana replied. Her voice was weak, yet commending.

thud. Dad kneeled without a second thought.

This was not the Nana I remembered.

Mom broke the uncomfortable silence, "Nana, how are you feeling these days?"

"Not good. None of what a human being does feels right."

"Nana, look what I brought you." I suddenly remember of the CD which I burned for her. "Remember you said that you didn't know what I was writing my paper on? Ravel's La Valse. See, I put it on track 5 for you."

Chu brought over a laptop, and we quickly set up the audio for her. The firecrackers were too loud, so we plugged in a headset. The disc was playing. Nana closed her eyes. Her hands began conducting to the beats. She seemed more relaxed and more at peace.

"Ma loves music." Chu said, then sighed.

When Nana was enjoying the music, dad asked about her condition. Chu thought it was matter of days now. He told dad not to be too somber: "Everyone has this day. It would be a relief too when she goes."

I watched Nana from a short distance. She was still waving her arms to the music. Such energy and conviction were coming through these little movements. I leaned over to see if the music was still playing.

"No." She commended. She didn't want me close. She was self-conscious about her smell.

My heart felt heavy. How could she be so helpless, lying there and waiting to be taken away?

I sat there next to her for a long time, during which she said not a word to me, but was immersed in the music.

Then she felt tired. "We should go and let her rest." Mom suggested. We all shook hands with her, each and every of us. Her hand brushed by. It was the last moment that I'd ever remember of Nana.


December, 2008
"Hello? Nana? It's me! I'm calling from America! How are you..."

"Child! Nana misses you... But don't let this burden you..."

"Nana, I'm coming back for the new year. I'll come to visit you. Hanging on there..."

"I'm going to try my best to wait for you."