Jake's Monologue

If I were a painter, I would brush the canvas with lush colors in attempt to express my joy.
If I were a musician, I would create the most sublime piece to celebrate your presence in my life.
If I were a poet, I would never stop writing, for you would be my muse, my inspiration.

But you see, I am not an artistic man.

I wish I were knowledgeable so that I could fulfill your curiosity by answering all your questions.
I wish I traveled often, and be able to fascinate you with my trips and stories.
I wish I had lived an interesting life. But my life has been so grey until you came along.

The truth is, I am only an ordinary man. Perhaps the most ordinary man you've ever met.

I want to be stronger to protect you from any harm, and funnier to make you laugh. And you ought to know that your laugh is the most precious to me.

Because of you, I desperately want to be a better man. Yet I can only soak in despise for being none of what I wish to be.

My Dear Friend...

My dear friend…

You need not to be overly critical on yourself. The fault is not yours, and the pain is not for you to embrace alone. Watching you sink deeper into despair, I only wish that you could accept who you are and realize that you are truly blessed.

Stop seeking the flaws in you, for you will only hurt yourself more. Don’t you know how fragile you are? After each turmoil, you cling onto the little strength there is left, barely standing with nowhere and no one to lean on. Then you face your worst critic – yourself. Shutting everyone out and accepting the brutal self-critic alone, you become the most pathetic and the loneliest soul.

We shouldn’t be this lonely… We should never make ourselves lonelier than we already are…

Don’t undervalue yourself and please don’t give up. It is our biggest task to keep an optimistic spirit no matter how rough things are. Things will get better as long as you believe in yourself.

Postlude to A History of Violence

What a hypocrite that you are! You have talked and talked about your dislikes, yet turning around to praise highly of what you hated. Don't you see, you are becoming one of those people while I am cherishing you as a dear friend.

Yes, I have always treated you with much care despite all of your mishaps toward me. You are blind, for you speak much of friendship though never once have looked around you. I could care for you more and I have always wanted to care for you more. Why wouldn't you let me enter your world and allow me to ease your pain?

You never understood me, never even tried to. But why would you? I should curse myself for always quietly being there and letting you know that you could count on me no matter what happens. This vulnerability is the ultimate stupidity on my behalf. How naive I am as I offer you everything that I can give, but expect only your honesty in return. Yet you still manage to fail this smallest request.

Please do not speak of your hurtful experiences, for you have also hurt others.